Borderline Chronicles Double Divided: Inappropriate Intense Anger

Part 5

Like having mood swings, we all get angry at one point or another; after all, anger is an emotion. According to Paul Ekman’s research, anger is one of the six basic emotions. For a person living with borderline personality disorder, they feel an intense feeling of anger. The outlet to their anger can be an intense emotional outburst of physical violence, with or without provocation. As seen below, in an instance of provocation, a person with BPD may have an emotionally abused partner who knows about their illness. The partner may provoke a person with BPD by gaslighting them as they are aware of what their reactions will be. After a person with BPD recovers from their intense anger episode, they may feel extreme guilt and embarrassment for how they behaved, further continuing the cycle of poor self-image. The intense anger displayed by a person with BPD contributes to the demise of a healthy relationship with family, partners, or friends.

Fire depicting the intensity of the anger.

Age 32

I lost my three children after my youngest son’s father called the police to our home. Why put the icing on the cake was the video he secretly recorded of me behaving like an animal after he has exacerbated the situation and thought it would be in his best interest to record the disaster unfolds. 

My partner was strategic, he had the bruise to show the police, and he withheld the video for child protective service, which was the nail in my coffin and the beginning of a downward spiral. 

After my youngest son was removed from my care, I was given visitation rights for my remaining two children. I lost complete control of my life. I was on a marathon of guilt, self-blame, and self-defeat. I started drinking Engaged in another relationship where we both abused either other verbally and physically until I showed up for visitation, and my daughter told me she will always be a good girl and when can she come home. I didn’t know where home was. I was distraught, and I kissed my daughter and assured her of my love for her. I sobbed the entire 45 minutes on the bust, and I quietly made a promise to regain control of my life. That evening I placed the need of my children first and got the help that I need. I am not cured, but I now can monitor and manage my symptoms to ensure a better experience living with a borderline personality disorder.

 

Published by Carrie

I am Carrie; I love traveling and performing activities that soothe and enrich my mind. I have a solid background in the mental health field. I attend to mental health issues from a raw and unconventional point of view. If it has to do with mental health, I want to discuss it, not the cliché' stance that society has on mental health but the unseen, uncut ways of addressing how our lifestyle influences/affects our mental growth. I love the approach of assessing someone holistically/from the biopsychosocial approach rather than pathologizing simple differences, as this approach creates a positive impact on our wellbeing. My goal is also to highlight that exposure to nature makes you feel better emotionally and contributes to your physical wellbeing.

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